So how "am" I?

 It's been a while, and after a few of you asked on my last post I thought it was time for an update. It'll be a little personal and a little political, but it unfortunately won't have a story below it so read or skip this accordingly.

I wish I could give you another story, but I can't. This year has been so much, I'm hanging on by what sometimes feels like a few old threads. The company I've been working for collapsed, combination of its own failures and the covid downturn. I thankfully have saved enough that I'm weathering it alright, but I still don't have a replacement job or  even really a firm idea about what kind of employment I'd want to pursue next. I also have medical conditions that put me at very high risk of this disease and so I have been very limited in what I do while also having this grey cloud over me for a lot of the time. And then there's the election.

I don't know these are really excuses for why I'm not writing, I certainly have downtime, but I just have trouble staying focused or productive in that way. But as the last few years of updates without stories have shown, this isn't just a 2020 thing.

I can't remember if I've shared this or not, but I suffer from a mood disorder causing high levels of anxiety and depression. It's been with me most of my life, and since college when I really had a breakdown I've been trying different treatments and medications. Around 2014, I got on a new drug cocktail that kinda seemed to make a difference on average. However I've also looked back and noticed that 2014 is also around the time my story output began to drastically slow. I've often wondered if they were connected, but never enough to say so out loud to a doctor. But for nearly two years I've felt that either I'm numbing to the medication or my condition is getting worse. And that was before all the 2020 noise. Unemployment, global pandemic I'm at risk of, election, it's a lot.

So I'm hanging on, sometimes it feels like by a little, sometimes it feels like more. I'm trying to be kind to myself and forgiving of shortcomings because everyone right now is just doing their best. I hope you are all still in good health.

As for this damned beast called the election, in almost every state it is already started. As of me writing this, 9.1 million ballots have already been cast (you can follow updates here if you want). And even though one party openly refuses to honor the results, even as one party openly tries to tilt the rules in their favor, even as one party packs the court for the expressed purpose of possibly overturning the results, even as one party looks into using the electoral college to ignore the will of voters and cast their state electors for Trump regardless of results, by all available measurement they are losing. It is not reason to celebrate or assume it to be a done deal (mostly for the reasons I listed above). But Republicans haven't run against a white man since 2004, and they are struggling to figure out how their brand of identity politics and white male grievance can work against another white man.

And as much as I supported Warren in the primaries, and feel she would have made the best president, it's clear now Biden is the best candidate we could have picked. Someone seemingly moderate enough for the white suburbs (and somehow seniors?) to line up behind him over Trump. Someone coalitional enough that he adopted a platform written in equal parts by his people and Bernie's people, making it the most progressive platform any major party nominee has run on. AOC literally co-wrote his new climate plan. He's adopted parts of Warren's platform in full without alterations, including on the topic of bankruptcy where he was famously opposed to what she believed because he now admits he was wrong. Imagine, after the last four years, a politician who can admit when they were wrong and change accordingly. He has credibility with the black community without any of the social expectations an actual black candidate would face. And after 4 years of a heartless president, he is empathetic in a way we all need. The president isn't just the head of government they are the head of state, and that role requires that a president feel our pain. Obama during his 8 years gave more national addresses after a mass shooting than he had state dinners. 

He's also the first candidate in the history of modern primaries who moved away from the center after getting the nomination. Not only does that make his policies closer to my own, but it proves he is willing to move when there is pressure to do so. Lincoln didn't start a strict abolitionist, he was moved there. Johnson didn't start out supporting a Voting Rights Act, he was moved there. Biden can be moved if we move him. It's telling that the area he probably moved the most on has been the environment, the area with the most activist pressure. He's also moved on police reform, healthcare, college tuition and debt forgiveness, all the areas progressive activists care most about. He even moved to embrace the possibility of ending the filibuster and rebalancing the court, and if we can hold him to that we could end up with more progressive victories than any president since at least Johnson. So I don't care who you supported in the primary, I don't want to hear you aren't excited, not only is this election vital to the continuation of democracy but Biden is a fundamentally good person who is at his core a coalitionist who wants to find common ground. In 1974 he was rated at just a hair to the left of the median Democrat. In 2008 he was also rated as just a hair to the left of the median Democrat. As we move the party, he has shown he's willing to move with us. Not to the bleeding edge, but he will move. 

So to all you who are American, have a plan to vote, make sure your friends have a plan to vote. But don't just vote, volunteer. Phone and text contacting is even more important in a pandemic world where it's not safe to go door to door, and it means you don't have to be local. Donate if you can, there are several good Senate races that could flip that chamber (which is basically a prerequisite for any legislation anyone might want). Alaska, Kansas, North Carolina, two of them in Georgia, Arizona, Maine, South Carolina, even Texas and Mississippi are within the margin of error. There is a major effort in Texas to flip the state legislature, they are just 9 seats from a majority and whoever has a majority will draw the congressional map after this year's census. A fair map in Texas without gerrymandering would be the biggest win for small d democracy we could make at the state level.

As for me, I don't know what my future holds. I hope that the election goes smoothly enough I can get some decent sleep again. Really looking forward to next year when there should be an internationally verified working vaccine. As for stories, I don't know. As has been the problem for years I have ideas but can't make myself sit down and bring those ideas onto the page as easily as I once did. I don't know if that will change because I don't know what's causing it. But I appreciate you all for sticking with this as long as you have. You are all great.

That thing I promised myself I wouldn't do on here

So, when I started this blog I wanted to keep it just about the stories. It was a nice alternate reality, and while there were politics in them in places, I actively tried not to make them or this site political.

But I'm a very political person. As had been hinted at, I went to American University in DC (living in the dorm room Andrea had if you care to figure that out) and majored in political science. I even got some jobs in politics after graduating before burnout became too real and loans came due etc. Campaigns are not known to pay well, especially to people like myself at the lower end of the totem pole.

So why am I saying all this? Well like many I've been transfixed by what's happening, and I want to share a thing or two. If you don't want to hear about politics you don't have to click "read more." Know that I'm not ready to post the rest of the epilogue, but that progress continues in fits and spurts. This update won't have anything more about that, bu if you would like to please read on.

Halloween Story Missed

So for the second year in a row now I've been trying to write a story for halloween since it kind of has some mystical/dark elements to it, but second year in a row now I underestimate my time I'm able to commit and fall short of being able to deliver a story. Oh well.

So I just felt like sharing that, not a big deal. Back to the epilogues!

Time flies and other updates

So, it was pointed out I kinda just went dark for 4+ months, so I wanted to give a small update. Life has been crazy and time is not working like it used to or something.

Anyway, I'm planning basically two more pieces to the Bound Friends Epilogue.

There will be Epilogue 1½ which is the continuation of Epilogue 1. Epilogue 1 had been the "end goal" for a very long time, but in that time I'd had many ideas of "and then what" that I'm consolidating into a volume, albeit shorter (hopefully) than Epilogue 1 and with a less bittersweet ending. Epilogue 1½ is 100% optional and if you like your headcannon of what happens after Epilogue 1 then just keep it and go onto the next part.

Then comes Epilogue 2. You will need to have read Epilogue 1, but Epilogue 1½ will not factor in at all. This is the branch I started coming up with once I started getting squeamish about the end goal I had in mind. I had been writing Andrea and Megan and Zainab so long I didn't want to put them through that much pain. So I started coming up with alternative directions to go, ones without so much sadness. So this is where the "new" endgame was heading when I hit massive writing block. I've written basically a full length story already going down this path, so that will make the heart of it. Then, at the end of Epilogue 2, is a bit of a conversation between Andrea and Megan in the time in which the storytelling takes place. They are living in a world much closer to Epilogue 2 than 1 and they give me a chance for an ending that way I wouldn't have been able to have if I didn't do this epilogue format.

I want to try to give these characters a bit of an ending, but I also know that I have to rush myself a bit to get there. (As if it looks like I'm rushing now!) I've also started writing some side stories that are unrelated to any of this that I will post here when they are done but they are both far from it. One I hope to get by Halloween, but that's a long shot.

Either way, I'm still here, I'm just really busy and burned out but I am trying to finish this off when I have the energy to write.

Epilogue 1 - Andrea and the Original Dream

So it has been a long time since I first promised it, but the project simply grew in size like I wasn't expecting. Now however I can share the first major part in the ending, which I'm calling an epilogue simply to distinguish it from my more "conventional" stories.

This is the first story, and it details the path I had been planning on taking for a long while. It ends where I had planned to end the series. This path is the one Lea's story had been started for, but this stands alone if you haven't read that fragment. I had vague notions of where people went after this, but I wanted to end the story here since for years this was where I planned to leave it. The "Original" as I dumb it.

Going forward now I should have one more story of roughly this size, maybe a little less. That will show the alternate path I was coming up. I may also share some of the other ideas for alternate paths I came up with but no promises on how much. I'll also share the partial story (though much fuller than Lea's) I had been working on.

So now without further introduction:

Epilogue 1 - Andrea and the Original Dream - PDF Version

Part 24* - Lea and the Recovery (Unfinished)

This is the start of what would have been a the next chapter in the series. This picks up with Lea and sets her back on a path to getting better. This was one of the parts I found hard to write. Maybe it's the subject matter, I was caught between not wanting to "cheapen" what Lea was going through but also not having an easy time writing the depressive melancholy. I have put parts of myself (or parts I wish I had) in many of my characters, and maybe this was just too close to home. I don't know, but it's been sitting unpublished for some time and I had even written out an outline for the rest of the story to try to drag myself forward without a lot of progress. I won't be doing the normal PDF download for this, unless someone asks. Anyways, enjoy a brief glimpse into Lea and her RV adventuring:

One month later update.

So it's now into February and I had earlier said I'd have something by last December. So, yes sickness did delay things. I've found that I get the most writing done during periods when I'm away, maybe it's the change of scenery, but I had planned to use Christmas break from work as a time to punch it out. So being sick over the holidays is a bigger deal than being sick at other times since I have more energy to write when I have breaks from work.

But the largest part of the delay is the scope. I had planned out roughly to get a preamble setting up the format of this special story, then go through the two paths I had planned out in very rough details. Well, as I actually got typing, a bit in I realized I was not being nearly as brief as I had planned to be. I was still skimming faster, almost no downtime or dialogue, but more details than I had originally planned.

My two options were return to skipping more of the details to get it done faster, or go back to the beginning and fill in a little more of the details and get everything the kind of some-details version rather than the few-details version. I settled on the some-details version, I think it's more satisfying to read, but it's making the story much longer. I'm already to 23 pages and haven't finished the first thread. So when I am done that I may post it so the "dreams" are spread out over two stories, but I don't know for sure. Either way I wanted to update those of you still out there so you don't think I totally flaked again.

Will keep plugging away when I can, but unless something else comes up I probably won't give another update until I publish something.

Do adults still get sick notes?

OK, so I know I said I'd have an update by end of year. But I also forgot to factor in that my immune system really hates the Christmas holidays. Between the travel, the cold, the sleeping not in my apartment, I have about a 1 in 3 chance of getting sick every year around this time. Why can't Christmas be in May?

This is my long winded way of saying I'm sick and will be a little slower because I have been dizzy and sleepy for the majority of the last almost week's waking hours. I'm getting better and thought maybe I could still make it, but I didn't.

It is coming along, it's also getting a little more detail than I was thinking originally I'd put in but if I don't put it in here it may never make it into anywhere. 11k words so far and I'm still on the first "branch." So..

The good thing about me being such a flake the last year and a bit is that at least you know how to wait a little longer!

Happy New Year everyone, and buckle up cause 2019 is coming and things are going to get worse before they get better.

A major announcement

Headline first: A STORY IS COMING VERY SOON

But it will be a little different as I'll explain.

So as is quite obvious, my output has basically stopped. I could say it's fatigue, or my changing life making me feel less inclined to write, a desire to change up the long plot, or  any number of other possible reasons. Whatever the motivation, the result is that I'm simply not been writing much. Writing out the events is just not feeling as fun as it used to be, and so in my freetime I don't do it very much any more.

So I made a deal with myself a while ago. If by December 21 when my work shuts down for the year, if I haven't finished the next story I go to plan B. This story "Andrea's Memories" will be done some time this holiday break.

New Short Story: Deep Cover Engagement

So, I was going through some forums and came across a story contest being held over at Gromet's Plaza. The topic was a crime fighting woman, and rather quickly an idea came to mind. So I wrote out a quick story on it, I maybe could have gone longer but I tried to keep it short since the story contest specified a maximum of 6,000. I still went way over that amount, and had to edit down the story quite a bit removing whole scenes to make it fit.

So I wanted to also post the story here in its fullness. I have no idea when/where the contest is happening, but I'm not going to link to it cause I don't want to try to funnel people from here to vote there and throw the fairness off. I sometimes find a random topic like this can be a change of pace that is good for resetting the mind. I'm sure many would prefer this be a story about the main girls, but it's just its own thing all on its own. Hope you enjoy:

PDF Download